Your tax jokes are better than ours, so please keep them coming!  Here are a few that you submitted this week.

My friend bought a 12-inch ruler and asked me if he could deduct it for tax purposes. I told him not any longer.

My friend asked if I could help him get a tax deduction by delivering a bunch of old magazines to the local Goodwill. I told him that I couldn’t because of back issues.

Every year my friend asks if he can deduct the cost of his jogging shoes for tax purposes. It’s a running joke.

Reply to this e-mail to send us your favorites and we’ll include them in a future Tribune issue.

Actor Stephen Harrison has issued an apology to the investors who lost an estimated $1.3 billion in the HyperVerse cryptocurrency Ponzi scheme.¹

Harrison was hired as a “corporate presenter,” which his agent explained to him was simply acting out a role to represent a business. He became suspicious after reading the scripts for the videos, but after doing some online searches he felt “everything seemed OK, so I rolled with it.”

During recording, he was asked to use the name Steven Reece Lewis. In the videos, Harrison talked about investment opportunities with HyperVerse. The final version of the videos referred to him as CEO, and also included his “credentials”: degrees from Leeds and Cambridge universities and more than 10 years of experience in the fintech industry. The problem was, neither university nor any fintech firms had ever heard of Steven Reece Lewis, which piqued the interest of the SEC.

As part of his apology, Harrison made it clear that he had not benefited in any way from the scheme itself; he was paid around $5,000 for his performance and given a free wool and cashmere suit, two business shirts, two ties, and a pair of shoes.

Crypto scheme losses

Generally, if a cryptocurrency drops in value and the investor experiences a loss, the investor can sell the poorly performing cryptocurrency and offset other gains, or if the losses exceed gains, take a deduction of up to $3,000 per year until the loss is used up.²

However, in order to take a capital loss, the investor must sell or exchange the asset.³ This is impossible when an exchange files for bankruptcy, shuts down, and all trades are halted.

Further, although the IRS has stated that cryptocurrency is property, federal law has still not addressed whether cryptocurrency is treated as a commodity or a security.⁴ This means that the deduction for worthless stock does not currently apply.⁵ Plus, bankruptcy doesn’t automatically mean the total debt is worthless, so any bad debt deduction would have to wait until the loss is certain.⁶

In order for the theft-loss Ponzi scheme rule to come into play, the investor would have to prove that the exchange had an intent to bilk the investors out of their money.⁷

Two years ago, we brought you the story of Jens Haaning, the Danish artist who received the equivalent of $84,000 from the Kunsten Museum of Modern Art in Aalborg, Denmark. The museum was expecting Haaning to create artwork incorporating the money into the design. Instead, he submitted two blank canvases titled “Take the Money and Run” and pocketed the cash.

Haaning took the money, but was he able to run? That all depends on your perspective. The museum filed a civil suit against him, and in September 2023 the court ruled that he had to return the money — most of it, anyway. According to the BBC,¹ Haaning returned nearly $72,000, but was allowed to keep the balance to cover the cost of mounting the canvases and an “artist’s fee.” All in a day’s work (or not, as the case may be).

Other art oddities

Unusual art can be sold anywhere, of course. CBS News² brings us the following highlights:

• London: A Banksy painting of a girl reaching for a balloon sold for $1.4 million at auction in 2018. The artwork shredded itself as soon as it was sold, and three years later those pieces sold for $25.4 million.
• Miami: One of the works on display at a 2019 art convention was a banana duct-taped to a wall. It sold for $120,000 and was then eaten by David Datuna, a performance artist.

What does the pessimistic accountant think?  It’s accrual world.

We’re hoping you know better jokes than that one! We’ve been on the hunt for good tax jokes to share in the run up to April Fools’ Day, but so far we’ve come up empty. Reply to this e-mail to send us your favorites, and we’ll include them in a future Tribune issue.

If you’re already making plans for your summer vacation, here’s something to add to the mix: gold prospecting in California’s El Dorado County. Talk about some real and raw fun! You’ll be taking advantage of what’s known as “Gold Rush 2.0,” which is a result of the unusually wet winter and deep snowpack that brings cascading water and all the materials, like gold, that come with it. According to Mark Dayton, a metal detector expert, “It’s one of those 100-years events … material [gold] is being ripped literally right off the walls of the creeks as they reshape themselves.”¹ Yikes! Maybe we can all go on vacation AND make money too!

But hold on, this is California, so there are a lot of regulations specific to different regions. For example, some areas only allow for panning – or hands-and-pans – which means you can’t use a shovel to dig. At state parks, you’re only allowed to gather up to 15 pounds of mineral material per day, which can’t be sold or used commercially for profit (so much for making money). There’s also sniping and sluicing. Sniping involves lying down in a creek bed and prying gold out from the bedrock (this qualifies as working on your vacation, which is a big no; also, the water is probably freezing because it’s from the snowpack; a tropical beach vacation is sounding better).

Prospectors can stake a claim on public lands, however, but before doing so, they must check for prior claims and abide by the “Detecting Mining Code of Ethics.” Uh-oh, due diligence. That means there’s a whole list of practices you need to adhere to, like “leaving as little sign of your passing as possible,”² and reporting all finds to landowners (umm, so we have to split?).

Panning and sluicing will reportedly be best in June once the water levels go down and drowning is less likely, so plan accordingly. There are some five-star reviews for campgrounds in the area, which is promising, although nothing that would qualify as “glamping,” so count me out. Plus there are bears in the campground that reportedly don’t like to interact with people and because I qualify as a person, that’s also a negative. I’m thinking the tropical beach wins my vote.

If you’re in the business of putting words (or numbers) out into the world, there will inevitably come the time when a typo slips through. Recently, ridesharing heavyweight Lyft proved that it’s not too big to fail when it released an earnings report that contained an extra zero.

The initial report said Lyft’s adjusted earnings before interest, tax, depreciation, and amortization (or EBITDA¹) margin as a percentage of bookings could expand by 500 basis points in 2024, or 5%. In response, shares went up as much as 66% to $20.04 per share. The excitement was short-lived when it was announced that in fact the margin is actually forecasted to expand by only 50 points, or 0.5%. Share price dropped but still netted a $2 per share increase overall.

(As a side note, Lyft has not yet turned a profit, a milestone that its rival Uber only reached for the first time in 2023 since it went public.)

Karma’s a botch

We have an unspoken rule at Spidell: Don’t laugh and snark and smirk when a competitor prints a typo because we have been in the same position. This author remembers not long after starting at Spidell (as a copyeditor), the California Taxletter went to print misspelling then-Governor Schwarzenegger’s last name. (I’m too embarrassed to even attempt to hunt down that issue, circa 2007.)

But at least we are not alone. In searching for the comfort of others’ mistakes, I found the following grave errors:²

1. The 1631 “wicked Bible” included the commandment “Thou shalt commit adultery.”
2. The 1934 edition of Webster’s Dictionary included the mysterious entry “Dord.” This was eventually traced to an editor’s note that the word “density” could be uppercase or lowercase: D or d.
3. The British paper The Guardian was so famous for misprints that it became known as “The Grauniad.”
4. The iron content of spinach is somewhat of a myth, based on a typo in 1870 indicating that it has 35 grams of iron, rather than 3.5 grams per 100 grams of spinach.
5. A craftsman working on the Lincoln Memorial would have appreciated the Ctrl+Z function after carving “euture” instead of “future.” The offending bottom bar has since been filled in.

In an effort to reach more taxpayers, the IRS’s Tax Outreach, Partnership and Education team is partnering with fortune cookie companies to turn dessert into an opportunity to provide tax information.

“Now when people go into a Chinese restaurant, and they open up their fortune cookie, they not only can get a fortune, but they get some tax advice as well,” Derek Ganter, director of stakeholder liaison at the Internal Revenue Service, said Thursday at a conference in Las Vegas.

The fortune cookie messages will include things like reminders about deadlines. Spidell editors immediately offered the following suggestions:

• She who is charitable reaps the benefits of large deductions (provided adequate substantiation is kept)
• No, this meal is not deductible
• He who keeps receipts is fortunate when the audit man cometh
• It is better to be a cheerful giver to the IRS, or penalties and interest will apply
• Your unlucky number is $9,833. Make a payment online at irs.gov

Let us know if you have any fortune cookie suggestions for the IRS by replying to your Tribune e-mail.

So…the IRS’s Taxpayer Advocate service has published an online interactive map of the IRS’s internal operations. And holy cow! This mall map from hell looks like it comes from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (the 2005 remake starring Martin Freeman, not the actual book). To help you visualize, I’ve included a small version of the map here. For the full experience, the map can be found here: https://www.taxpayeradvocate.irs.gov/get-help/roadmap/?notice=29179.

The Taxpayer Advocate is really not doing the IRS any favors, considering snarky individuals (like me) who may (fairly or unfairly) seek to compare IRS employees to Vogons, who are described by the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy as:

Not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn’t even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders – signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.

Well, if that doesn’t provide a description of what this map looks like, as well as this practitioner’s personal experience trying to call or paper-file anything with the IRS, then I don’t know what does!

If you’re close to Los Angeles on February 16, whatever you do, don’t forget to set an alarm on your phone to remind yourself of the “first of its kind” public auction for property seized during cannabis enforcement actions.¹ So kewl!

The auction is being held by the CDTFA and will feature items seized from search warrants to collect taxes from nine illegal cannabis businesses and one legal dispensary that didn’t pay their taxes. According to the CDTFA, 10 Los Angeles-based operations owe in excess of $14.4 million in unpaid taxes, and the CDTFA has seized almost $90 million in cash and products from businesses.² Mind blown!

Prospective bidders should check out some of the paraphernalia:

• Cash drawers
• Glass bongs and pipes
• Snow cone machine
• Crowd control poles
• Menu boards
• Sandwich boards
• Display cases
• Refrigerators
• Win spin prize drop
• Money counting machine/bags
• Cameras
• Conveyor belts

I will personally be bidding on the conveyor belt and the snow cone machine. The snow cone machine gives new meaning to the idea of “deliverables” – maybe it was the most fanciful execution of delivered edibles. Bruh!

And who wouldn’t want a conveyor belt?! All I can think of is Lucy and Ethel in front of a conveyor belt popping candy into their mouths because they can’t keep up with the speed of what’s happening.³ Except in 2024, the candy would be replaced with edibles. Sick!

Bidding starts at 10 a.m., so don’t be late. Bring cash, money orders, or cashier’s checks. See you there … unless it rains, or it’s too cold because it’s below 75º, or something else comes up.

The 2024 Super Bowl champion is almost in the books, and while the main event will captivate every San Franciscan and Swiftie, the rest of us are there for the food.

This year, fans are expected to consume:¹

• 50 million cases of beer;
• 28 million pounds of chips; and
• 54 million avocados.

In preparation for the Big Game, avocado harvesting begins in January in Michoacan and Jalisco, Mexico, in order to move the volumes of avocados required for gameday guacamole.

According to the USDA’s weekly perishable produce report,² 81% of all avocados eaten in the U.S. come from Mexico and the Super Bowl accounts for 20% of annual sales of avocados. The report noted, “When it comes to increased sales, avocados are the real Super Bowl champion.”

But the true winner is the chicken wing. According to the National Chicken Council, Americans will consume 1.45 billion chicken wings on Super Bowl Sunday.³ To put that number in perspective:

• 1.45 billion wings is enough for every man, woman, and child in the United States to eat four wings each;
• If Kansas City Coach Andy Reid ate 50 wings every day, it would take him 79,452 years to eat all 1.45 billion;
• 1.45 billion wings is enough to put 693 wings on every seat in all 30 NFL stadiums;
• If laid end-to-end, 1.45 billion wings would stretch one third of the way to the moon; and
• If each wing represented one second moving forward, 1.45 billion would be 46 years from now, or the year 2070.

Time to buy stock in wet naps.

Last week, we asked what your go-to tax season treats are, and the results are in:

• Smarties
• Almond Joy
• Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Almond Butter Cups
• Red Vines
• Microwave popcorn… burnt, of course

In late 2023, SB 732 (Ch. 23-502) named the pallid bat¹ as the official state bat. Californians north to south breathed a sigh of relief that this state emblem slot had finally been filled, meaning we could turn our attention to the important matter of naming the state mollusk.

Assemblymember Gail Pellerin of District 28 rose to the task, introducing AB 1850 in January 2024, which would establish the banana slug as the state slug (slugs are part of the mollusk family). No longer confined to existence as a mere mascot, elevating the banana slug to state emblem will “promote appreciation, education, and research of banana slugs in this state.”

AB 1850 lists the following banana slug qualities:

• They are detritivores that eat poison oak and death angel mushrooms;
• Their mucus is a liquid crystal used to send chemical messages;
• They have a symbiotic relationship with the California redwood tree, eating plants that compete with the seedlings for light; and
• They have “oozed into popular culture,” most notably on a t-shirt worn by John Travolta in “Pulp Fiction.”

Hopefully, this run for emblemhood will be successful. In 1988, then-Governor Deukmejian vetoed a bill that would have made the banana slug California’s official state mollusk. He stated in his veto message that the bill was “not representative of the international reputation California enjoys.” Whether the banana slug has since increased in popularity or California’s international reputation is slipping remains to be seen.

The immensely talented Shohei Ohtani, who is simultaneously a great pitcher and hitter, has left the Angels and signed a 10-year contract with the Dodgers for $700 million!

There are 162 games in the regular MLB season, and $70 million per year equates to $432,099 per game. With each game lasting approximately three hours, that amounts to a measly $144,033 per hour. That’s almost as much as California’s projected 2035 minimum wage, but I digress.

Ohtani’s contract calls for $2 million to be paid to him per year over the 10-year contract with the remaining $680 million deferred until after Ohtani is finished with the Dodgers. The deferred payments will likely escape California tax, assuming Ohtani will become a nonresident when his contract is up. Many details of Ohtani’s contract are not public, but escaping California tax seems the obvious reason for the massive deferral.

Mets fans celebrate Bobby Bonilla Day every July 1 to mark the nearly $1.2 million paid to Bobby Bonilla every year from 2011 through 2035 thanks to a similar salary deferral strategy signed by the then-slugger and the New York Mets when they bought out his contract in 2000.

Granted, Bobby Bonilla’s buyout was $5.9 million, but with deferral and interest, it turned into $1.2 million per year for 24 years. Ohtani’s contract does not call for interest paid on the $680 million deferral when it is paid out over nine years from 2034 to 2043, but the question remains: Which day will the Dodgers pick for Shohei Ohtani Day when they are shelling out more than $75 million per year to a former player for nearly a decade after his contract ends?

Now that tax season has kicked in, it’s time to think about the important things, like what goodies are you going to provide to keep your staff and co-workers happy and “energized.”  Below are some tips:

• Almond Joys– For being a joy to work with
• Animal Crackers – Because tax season can be a circus
• DOnuts – For their can-do spirit
• Jolly Ranchers – For being great team players
• Lifesavers – For always being willing to help out others
• M&Ms – For being Magnificent and Marvelous
• Mixed nuts – When culling client lists
• Pay Day – Every other Friday, if they’re lucky

Fun Spidell fact: Christina Estrada, our fantastic salesperson at all of our Spidell seminars, has conducted an informal survey and found that the top two favorites of Spidell’s seminar attendees are Almond Joys and Pay Days. Reply to this e-mail and let us know what your office’s go-to treats are.

I’ve decided to become an expert on cryptocurrency because it’s definitely here to stay.

First of all, the names can be amusing, and that gives me confidence in my investments: Crypto Fetch, Munch Token, Dogecoin, Potcoin, Garlicoin, just to name a few. Crypto Fetch reportedly has the potential to grow 20 times in 2023, so don’t wait much longer to invest. “Fetch.ai is an innovative blockchain platform that merges blockchain technology with artificial intelligence.”¹ (Today’s trading value is $.03785 – oooo … up 12.36% … AI is really hot right now … go for it!^*)

Munch Token is a decentralized and community-owned currency that is “biting back” on traditional investment models. “All Munch transactions are subject to a 10% transaction fee that is redistributed back to the community and charitable causes.”² (Today’s trading value: $.000000001058 – eeek …down 1.72%. The maximum supply is 100,000,000,000,000, so it looks like there’s plenty available … no urgency on this one.)

Dogecoin was created as a fun alternative to Bitcoin. It’s legit, though, because you can buy a Tesla with it. (Today’s trading value: $0.076072 … this is considered an upswing, as it resumes a more “bullish” pattern.³ Despite the upswing, it would still take a lot of Dogecoin to buy the Tesla model I want.)

If you need to buy and sell your cannabis products anonymously, definitely invest in Potcoin, which brings marijuana businesses and consumers together in a decentralized, peer-to-peer platform.⁴ (Today’s trading value: $0.004515 … up 2.91% over the last 24 hours … it’s smokin’!)

Because I like to cook, my personal favorite is Garlicoin. It is marketed as “the deadbolt for door locks; it’s secure and protects you from crypto vampires.”⁵ (Today’s trading value: $0.010546 … that’s down from an all-time high of $0.713037. Now’s probably a good time to buy because it’s bound to go back up because who doesn’t like garlic, and it’s been around for over 5,000 years!)

Hope this helps with your investment decisions.

^* The material contained in this article should not be relied upon as a basis for making any financial decisions. But if you do invest in one of these, let me know how that turns out.