So…the IRS’s Taxpayer Advocate service has published an online interactive map of the IRS’s internal operations. And holy cow! This mall map from hell looks like it comes from the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (the 2005 remake starring Martin Freeman, not the actual book). To help you visualize, I’ve included a small version of the map here. For the full experience, the map can be found here: https://www.taxpayeradvocate.irs.gov/get-help/roadmap/?notice=29179.

The Taxpayer Advocate is really not doing the IRS any favors, considering snarky individuals (like me) who may (fairly or unfairly) seek to compare IRS employees to Vogons, who are described by the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy as:

Not actually evil, but bad-tempered, bureaucratic, officious and callous. They wouldn’t even lift a finger to save their own grandmothers from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal without orders – signed in triplicate, sent in, sent back, queried, lost, found, subjected to public inquiry, lost again, and finally buried in soft peat for three months and recycled as firelighters.

Well, if that doesn’t provide a description of what this map looks like, as well as this practitioner’s personal experience trying to call or paper-file anything with the IRS, then I don’t know what does!

If you’re close to Los Angeles on February 16, whatever you do, don’t forget to set an alarm on your phone to remind yourself of the “first of its kind” public auction for property seized during cannabis enforcement actions.¹ So kewl!

The auction is being held by the CDTFA and will feature items seized from search warrants to collect taxes from nine illegal cannabis businesses and one legal dispensary that didn’t pay their taxes. According to the CDTFA, 10 Los Angeles-based operations owe in excess of $14.4 million in unpaid taxes, and the CDTFA has seized almost $90 million in cash and products from businesses.² Mind blown!

Prospective bidders should check out some of the paraphernalia:

• Cash drawers
• Glass bongs and pipes
• Snow cone machine
• Crowd control poles
• Menu boards
• Sandwich boards
• Display cases
• Refrigerators
• Win spin prize drop
• Money counting machine/bags
• Cameras
• Conveyor belts

I will personally be bidding on the conveyor belt and the snow cone machine. The snow cone machine gives new meaning to the idea of “deliverables” – maybe it was the most fanciful execution of delivered edibles. Bruh!

And who wouldn’t want a conveyor belt?! All I can think of is Lucy and Ethel in front of a conveyor belt popping candy into their mouths because they can’t keep up with the speed of what’s happening.³ Except in 2024, the candy would be replaced with edibles. Sick!

Bidding starts at 10 a.m., so don’t be late. Bring cash, money orders, or cashier’s checks. See you there … unless it rains, or it’s too cold because it’s below 75º, or something else comes up.

The 2024 Super Bowl champion is almost in the books, and while the main event will captivate every San Franciscan and Swiftie, the rest of us are there for the food.

This year, fans are expected to consume:¹

• 50 million cases of beer;
• 28 million pounds of chips; and
• 54 million avocados.

In preparation for the Big Game, avocado harvesting begins in January in Michoacan and Jalisco, Mexico, in order to move the volumes of avocados required for gameday guacamole.

According to the USDA’s weekly perishable produce report,² 81% of all avocados eaten in the U.S. come from Mexico and the Super Bowl accounts for 20% of annual sales of avocados. The report noted, “When it comes to increased sales, avocados are the real Super Bowl champion.”

But the true winner is the chicken wing. According to the National Chicken Council, Americans will consume 1.45 billion chicken wings on Super Bowl Sunday.³ To put that number in perspective:

• 1.45 billion wings is enough for every man, woman, and child in the United States to eat four wings each;
• If Kansas City Coach Andy Reid ate 50 wings every day, it would take him 79,452 years to eat all 1.45 billion;
• 1.45 billion wings is enough to put 693 wings on every seat in all 30 NFL stadiums;
• If laid end-to-end, 1.45 billion wings would stretch one third of the way to the moon; and
• If each wing represented one second moving forward, 1.45 billion would be 46 years from now, or the year 2070.

Time to buy stock in wet naps.

Last week, we asked what your go-to tax season treats are, and the results are in:

• Smarties
• Almond Joy
• Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Almond Butter Cups
• Red Vines
• Microwave popcorn… burnt, of course

In late 2023, SB 732 (Ch. 23-502) named the pallid bat¹ as the official state bat. Californians north to south breathed a sigh of relief that this state emblem slot had finally been filled, meaning we could turn our attention to the important matter of naming the state mollusk.

Assemblymember Gail Pellerin of District 28 rose to the task, introducing AB 1850 in January 2024, which would establish the banana slug as the state slug (slugs are part of the mollusk family). No longer confined to existence as a mere mascot, elevating the banana slug to state emblem will “promote appreciation, education, and research of banana slugs in this state.”

AB 1850 lists the following banana slug qualities:

• They are detritivores that eat poison oak and death angel mushrooms;
• Their mucus is a liquid crystal used to send chemical messages;
• They have a symbiotic relationship with the California redwood tree, eating plants that compete with the seedlings for light; and
• They have “oozed into popular culture,” most notably on a t-shirt worn by John Travolta in “Pulp Fiction.”

Hopefully, this run for emblemhood will be successful. In 1988, then-Governor Deukmejian vetoed a bill that would have made the banana slug California’s official state mollusk. He stated in his veto message that the bill was “not representative of the international reputation California enjoys.” Whether the banana slug has since increased in popularity or California’s international reputation is slipping remains to be seen.

The immensely talented Shohei Ohtani, who is simultaneously a great pitcher and hitter, has left the Angels and signed a 10-year contract with the Dodgers for $700 million!

There are 162 games in the regular MLB season, and $70 million per year equates to $432,099 per game. With each game lasting approximately three hours, that amounts to a measly $144,033 per hour. That’s almost as much as California’s projected 2035 minimum wage, but I digress.

Ohtani’s contract calls for $2 million to be paid to him per year over the 10-year contract with the remaining $680 million deferred until after Ohtani is finished with the Dodgers. The deferred payments will likely escape California tax, assuming Ohtani will become a nonresident when his contract is up. Many details of Ohtani’s contract are not public, but escaping California tax seems the obvious reason for the massive deferral.

Mets fans celebrate Bobby Bonilla Day every July 1 to mark the nearly $1.2 million paid to Bobby Bonilla every year from 2011 through 2035 thanks to a similar salary deferral strategy signed by the then-slugger and the New York Mets when they bought out his contract in 2000.

Granted, Bobby Bonilla’s buyout was $5.9 million, but with deferral and interest, it turned into $1.2 million per year for 24 years. Ohtani’s contract does not call for interest paid on the $680 million deferral when it is paid out over nine years from 2034 to 2043, but the question remains: Which day will the Dodgers pick for Shohei Ohtani Day when they are shelling out more than $75 million per year to a former player for nearly a decade after his contract ends?

Now that tax season has kicked in, it’s time to think about the important things, like what goodies are you going to provide to keep your staff and co-workers happy and “energized.”  Below are some tips:

• Almond Joys– For being a joy to work with
• Animal Crackers – Because tax season can be a circus
• DOnuts – For their can-do spirit
• Jolly Ranchers – For being great team players
• Lifesavers – For always being willing to help out others
• M&Ms – For being Magnificent and Marvelous
• Mixed nuts – When culling client lists
• Pay Day – Every other Friday, if they’re lucky

Fun Spidell fact: Christina Estrada, our fantastic salesperson at all of our Spidell seminars, has conducted an informal survey and found that the top two favorites of Spidell’s seminar attendees are Almond Joys and Pay Days. Reply to this e-mail and let us know what your office’s go-to treats are.

I’ve decided to become an expert on cryptocurrency because it’s definitely here to stay.

First of all, the names can be amusing, and that gives me confidence in my investments: Crypto Fetch, Munch Token, Dogecoin, Potcoin, Garlicoin, just to name a few. Crypto Fetch reportedly has the potential to grow 20 times in 2023, so don’t wait much longer to invest. “Fetch.ai is an innovative blockchain platform that merges blockchain technology with artificial intelligence.”¹ (Today’s trading value is $.03785 – oooo … up 12.36% … AI is really hot right now … go for it!^*)

Munch Token is a decentralized and community-owned currency that is “biting back” on traditional investment models. “All Munch transactions are subject to a 10% transaction fee that is redistributed back to the community and charitable causes.”² (Today’s trading value: $.000000001058 – eeek …down 1.72%. The maximum supply is 100,000,000,000,000, so it looks like there’s plenty available … no urgency on this one.)

Dogecoin was created as a fun alternative to Bitcoin. It’s legit, though, because you can buy a Tesla with it. (Today’s trading value: $0.076072 … this is considered an upswing, as it resumes a more “bullish” pattern.³ Despite the upswing, it would still take a lot of Dogecoin to buy the Tesla model I want.)

If you need to buy and sell your cannabis products anonymously, definitely invest in Potcoin, which brings marijuana businesses and consumers together in a decentralized, peer-to-peer platform.⁴ (Today’s trading value: $0.004515 … up 2.91% over the last 24 hours … it’s smokin’!)

Because I like to cook, my personal favorite is Garlicoin. It is marketed as “the deadbolt for door locks; it’s secure and protects you from crypto vampires.”⁵ (Today’s trading value: $0.010546 … that’s down from an all-time high of $0.713037. Now’s probably a good time to buy because it’s bound to go back up because who doesn’t like garlic, and it’s been around for over 5,000 years!)

Hope this helps with your investment decisions.

^* The material contained in this article should not be relied upon as a basis for making any financial decisions. But if you do invest in one of these, let me know how that turns out.